Hello friend,
Sending this a couple of days late this week, as it's been a busy few days.
I've been rehearsing for a Very Important Gig I'm doing up in Edinburgh later this month - my first Tedx Talk. If you know, you know. If you don't, then the Tedx Youtube channel is definitely one I'd suggest checking out (search for Brene Brown's talk, The Power of Vulnerability, and Robert Waldinger's talks on what makes for a happy life).
I found out I'd been selected a couple of months ago, immediately went into denial mode and tried to pretend it wasn't happening. Then it was three weeks away, then two, and I finally had to do the thing I knew I needed to do but had been quietly dreading. I needed to set up some rehearsals.
Everything about this felt awkward. Asking people to come and hear my rehearse felt awkward. Arriving felt awkward. Explaining what was going on felt awkward. Walking into the space and onto the 'stage' felt awkward. Starting to speak felt awkward. The moments where I lost my thread and had to recover felt mortifying. And sitting there waiting for feedback afterwards - honestly, I wasn't sure I wanted to hear it.
It's ironic that it felt this way, because my entire talk is about awkwardness. Why it's so cringy, why avoiding it is bad, and what we should do instead. SO as much as I wanted to crawl into a hole, I knew I had to get up and walk the walk.
I've had three rehearsals so far, on Saturday night, Sunday and Monday.
The first group were a couple of my mum's friends - one a former TED speaker herself, one preacher (someone who literally speaks publicly for a living), and a former sales expert. So, no pressure.
The second group were local friends who showed up at 4pm on a Sunday afternoon, at short notice, many leaving partners behind to handle babies and dinner. Which is a very specific kind of generous.
The final rehearsal took place last night, and it was the most terrifying of all - I had to perform the first seven minutes of my talk in front of the ten other Tedx speakers, successful, ambitious, brilliant people who had all been chosen from over a hundred applicants.
I'm sharing 'what happened' next as a lived example of what my talk is all about.
I honestly thought I'd be sitting here today, frantically rewriting my talk, questioning my life choices, and absolutely dreading the next three rehearsals I've got lined up for this week. Instead, I'm feeling really calm, and really optimistic.
Here's why:
The first rehearsal, with my mum's friends, stretched into two hours. I felt them willing me on as a bumbled my way through the tricky bits. They were raucous in their applause. And their feedback was helpful in the best possible way - kind, honest, thoughtful, and rooted in lived experience. Afterwards, we sat together and talked about how the ideas in the talk just affect so many people. We talked about awkwardness, about loneliness, about spirituality, about community and connection, and the moments in our own lives when we'd leaned into discomfort and found something meaningful on the other side. I came away feeling as though I'd just had a session with a really warm, loving therapist, and made some new friends in the process.
The second group listened so carefully that a couple of them actually took written notes. Afterwards, completely unprompted, the conversation turned into something that felt almost like a sharing circle. Our host talked about how the people around her have been awkwardly avoiding any mention of her dad since he died last year - tiptoeing around it, changing the subject - and how alone that's made her feel. As soon as she said it, it was clear that others in the room knew exactly what she was talking about. These were people who'd given up part of their Sunday, all of whom had a thousand other things they could have been doing. Instead, they were in a room together, being brave enough to say true things. Meaning that in two hours, we'd created a community from a group of near strangers.
None of it would have happened if I'd avoided doing the awkward, uncomfortable thing.
And the rehearsal with the other speakers that I'd been absolutely dreading? Turns out everyone else was in the same boat. All of us still tweaking our talks. None of us had them fully memorised. Most of us were worrying about our outfits (there was a long discussion about whether long earrings and headsets should ever mix). These are all highly successful, brilliant, charming people - and it turns, exactly as human as the rest of us.
I still feel nervous. But I know that every time I walk into a rehearsal I'll be in a room full of cheerleaders. And on the day itself, I'll be watched by other people who know exactly how it's feeling.
My TEDx talk is about exactly this - the argument that awkwardness, rather than being something to eliminate, is actually a doorway. That every time we step into an uncomfortable moment rather than sidestepping it, we create the conditions for something real to happen. Connection, understanding, closeness - these things don't wait for us to feel comfortable. They live on the other side of the moments we'd rather skip.
I've been coaching people around this for a while now. But I won't pretend it's easy to live it, even when you know it to be true.
As you go through the rest of this week, have a think about the awkward thing you've been putting off. Is there a conversation you're skirting around, for example, or an ask you keep almost making? You're probably avoiding it because you're playing through all the things that could go wrong if you take the next step. For a few minutes, try to imagine what could go right. Remember that the thing you're actually looking for, is just on the other side of the awkwardness. Perhaps it's time to take a deep breath, and go for it. Let me know how you get on - I'd genuinely love to know.
Wish me luck! I'll send a link round once the recording is up on the Youtube channel.
With warmth and friendship,
Hannah x
Hannah Carmichael OBE
Friendship & Connection Coach
